Charles Grodin was not banned from SNL

Every time I hear of SNL hosts who have been "banned," I'm reminded of this post by Mark Evanier, in which he points out that "banning" and "not being asked to host" are two very different things.  Additionally, saying Charles Grodin was "banned" from the show for showing up unprepared is ludicrous.  Google "Charles Grodin SNL banned," and you'll get a ton of terrible lists about him... but really, do the authors think everything on television is real?  This article is from Mental Floss, for God's sake!
Grodin's entire meta-episode is clearly scripted.  Lorne Michaels would never let a host skip dress rehearsal and then just "wing it" for 90 minutes.  If you really believe Charles Grodin showed up unprepared, that means you also believe that Dan Aykroyd really does have a cone-shaped head, and Will Ferrell really does wear American-flag Speedos.  Shame on you, Mental Floss!
Further evidence of Grodin's non-banning is the fact that, at the time, he was (and is) good friends with Simon & Garfunkel, as is SNL producer Lorne Michaels.  Additionally, Grodin was working on "The Paul Simon Special" for Michaels and NBC at the time, which was essentially an episode of SNL taped on a closed set, without on an audience.

Top Chef v. Hell's Kitchen

Here's a re-post of my review of "Top Chef" and "Hell’s Kitchen," from October 28, 2009.

I hate reality TV. The inane competitions- don't we have enough problems these days? The shaky camera work that has infected all other TV. The lame, talent-less private citizens (or Z-list celebs) duking it out for the privilege of looking idiotic in front of millions of people (and maybe a few bucks). Who needs it?

Lately, though, my limited TV watching has expanded to include Top Chef and Hell's Kitchen.

Both programs feature (mostly) talented competitors and (occasionally) talented or engaging hosts who actually get involved in the action. Has Jeff Probst ever eaten live worms? Do I care if he does? NO! But Gordon Ramsay yelling about over-salted risotto is a treat.

Watching these programs, I realize I could never be a chef or run a restaurant. Frankly, I don't even think I'm qualified to be a "foodie."

Problem the first: Most dishes involves seafood. YUCK. I HATE SEAFOOD. I hate everything that comes out of the sea. Bass, trout, crab, lobster, old tires... I realize these are delicacies to most of you, but that "fishy smell" puts me off every time. Old tires are an exception since they burn well and are prized for flavor in that country shaped like an open padlock.

Other unconventional meats (venison, quail) keep popping up on the shows as well. Where's the Kobe beef? Free-range chicken? Pork? And why are the portions so small? Every dish has a morsel of food. Not cool. I don't want to stuff myself, but I also don't want to decide a chef's future on a Rubik's Cube-square of food.

They also challenge my pronounciation of SO many dishes. Is it "ri-SOT-o" or "ri-sat-to"? "G'nocchi" or "No-chi"? "Cardamom" or "Cardamon"? They should do what I do... just point at the menu and say to the waiter "bring me thiiiiiiiiiissssssss." That method has worked since I was 4.

Chef Gordon Ramsay is my hero. His high standards and passion for EVERYthing, coupled with a delightful potty mouth, can't be beat.

The Top Chef hosts, however, leave me cold (ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha). Tom Coliciciciiioo (spelling?) has the warmth of a humorless gym teacher waiting for a slower kid to finish the mile run. Padma Laxmi may know what she likes, but she seems to know nothing about the culinary arts. She speaks only to jump on a bandwagon ("That WAS salty, wasn't it, Tom?"). Her major duties seem to be setting up the opening challenge ("Quick Fire"), disappearing for 48 minutes, then popping in at the end to say "please send in your colleagues" to the losing chefs. In between, she must be in her trailer on Match.com, trying to find "The World's Most Boring Husband." (Side note: she has the crazy eyes, and I don't think she should be around knives this often).

And who's dressing her? In promos, she's wearing a shiny blue dress and the world's longest pony tail. I could tell this was the Las Vegas edition of Top Chef because she looked like craps (COMEDY BONUS).

The final recurring judge is Toby Young, who you may remember from “Toby Young as Elton John in Kojak”. This acid-tongued Brit has struck the perfect balance between Queen Bitch and Serious Gourmand. Colicchio should be replaced by Young, while Padma should be replaced by Gordon Ramsay in a dress.

To sum up, Top Chef gets a C, for contrived. Hell's Kitchen is an A, kept from an A+ only because of its erratic air schedule and Chef Ramsay's restraining order against me. (Gordon: There is a crack starting in the foundation of your house, just below the left rear window in the sun room).

The ENTIRE Rolling Stones discography

Now that the Stones' mono box set is imminent -- rounding up (nearly) their entire pre-1970 output -- I went ahead and put together a list of EVERYthing (officially released) by The Stones you might ever want.  This does not include the bonus tracks on the recent deluxe editions of "Sticky Fingers," "Exile On Main Street" or "Some Girls," the live archival releases that have come out in the past several years, nor videos and bootlegs.  I am also not taking into account most alternate mixes (i.e. mono v. stereo, or the weird mix of "Ruby Tuesday" that cropped up on the 2002 SACD reissues, or the elusive stereo "Have You Seen Your Mother...").  This is simply the most expedient way to get their entire, officially released output.

-These songs from the 1965 UK EP Got Live If You Want It are missing from the new mono box: a snippet of crowd chanting ("We Want The Stones"), a snippet of "Everybody Needs Somebody to Love," and the song "Pain in My Heart"

-"Tell Me": there's actually two versions of this song, one without piano (2:52, briefly released) and one with (4:06, but edited down significantly -- or faded differently -- on certain releases).  Early pressings of the UK debut album mistakenly included the 2:52 version; all subsequent releases have featured the long version with piano. The long version also appeared on second pressings (and beyond) of the UK LP after the mistake was corrected. Most versions of this tune contain an edit of the long version, which fades out around 3:48 on the new mono box.

-"Schoolboy Blues" (aka "C--ksucker Blues"), "Tell Me Baby," "Da Doo Ron Ron" and "Memphis Tennessee": These are outtakes that somehow were released on various foreign compilations (such as the German “The Rest of the Best: Rolling Stones Story Part 2,” which attempted to do what “Stray Cats” has done). "Tell Me Baby" was recorded at Chess Records in Chicago, and is an entirely different song than the one from the band's debut album (profiled above)... but it's still listed as "Tell Me" in some places.  "Memphis" and "Da Doo" are pretty weak early recordings.  "Schoolboy Blues" was on a bonus 45 in the set.  The Stones quickly had the set reissued without the 45.

-"Memo from Turner"/"Natural Magic": Two songs from the 1970 film “Performance,” starring Mick Jagger.  The A-side is essentially a Stones+Ry Cooder recording (and was included on the 1990 London Singles box), but was originally released as a Mick Jagger solo single.  The b-side is a brief, modern-sounding instrumental by Jack Nitzsche.  These likely weren’t included in the new mono boxed set because they were released only in stereo.

-Metamorphosis (1975): An officially released collection of Decca-era outtakes.  (Note that this includes a completely different recording of "Memo From Turner."  Also, the original US version had 14 tracks, while the UK had 16.  The 2002 SACD's contains all 16 tracks).

-Live albums: Get Yer Ya-Yas Out! (1970; released as a deluxe boxed set in 2009), Love You Live (1977), Still Life (1982), Flashpoint (1991), Stripped (1995), No Security (1998)

-The Rolling Stones Singles 1971-2006 features all the b-sides and remixes you could ever want (except, inexplicably, the 1996 "Wild Horses" single from "Stripped," which features several bonus cuts)... highlights include Let It Rock (live, 1971), Sway (single mix, 1971), All Down the Line (single mix, 1972), Everything's Turning To Gold (1978), Highwire (1991), Jump On Top of Me (1994).

-The Rolling Stones 1971-2005 boxed set features all the band's albums from Sticky Fingers through A Bigger Bang.

-Two compilations feature new songs: 2002's Forty Licks ("Stealing My Heart," "Don't Stop," "Keys to Your Love," "Losing My Touch") and 2012's GRRRR ("Doom and Gloom" and "One More Shot")

-The deluxe edition of GRRRR also includes a bonus CD of IBC demos from 1963 ("Diddley Daddy," "Road Runner," "Bright Lights, Big City," "Baby, What's Wrong," "I Want to Be Loved") and a bonus 7" vinyl EP of 1964 BBC sessions ("Route 66," "Cops and Robbers," "You Better Move On," "Mona (I Need You Baby)").  The 1981 book "Symphony For the Devil" by Philip Norman includes details on these cuts.

-The 1981 compilation "Sucking in the Seventies" includes edits of many b-sides and hit singles, plus two "new" songs: a smoking "When the Whip Comes Down" (live in Detroit, 6 July 1978) and "If I Was a Dancer (Dance Pt. 2)" (this song is also on the 2003 "Rarities" album; it's a remixed version of the opening cut from "Emotional Rescue").

Or you might just decide this is still too much, in which case you could probably get the cream of the crop by purchasing "The London Singles Collection," "Beggar's Banquet," "Let It Bleed," "Sticky Fingers," "Exile On Main Street" and the hits compilation "Jump Back."  The live "Brussels Affair 1973" isn't a bad investment, either.

NOTE: There's some discussion going on at AnalogPlanet about the "deluxe" edition of the mono box, which includes 9 vinyl singles.

The Beatles 1962-66 1967-70 and Alpha Omega

It's 9/9!  The Beatles' favorite date, apparently.

The well-known “red” and “blue” compilation albums (1962-66 and 1967-70) were essentially a response to a 4-LP boxed set titled “AlphaOmega,” which was advertised heavily on TV in 1972.  The set was a grey-market release, featuring terrible sound quality (for reasons explained here), and included group and solo recordings.  Some have seen it as an attempt to challenge the then-new copyright laws (also discussed in the linked article), and it was successful enough to warrant two more volumes (at least).

Apple/Capitol/EMI responded with the red and blue disks, and here’s a commercial for the set:

I have read that at one point, the red and blue albums were also going to include solo cuts, but that idea was dropped.  Here, now, is my suggestion for solo cuts to add, in case you want to make your own “green” album at home.  I don’t know what you’d call it, since the band’s solo releases stretch back to 1969, and they had released almost nothing in 1973 prior to the March/April issue of the red and blue albums…

John:

Give Peace a Chance

Cold Turkey

Instant Karma

Power to the People

Mother

Love

Imagine

Oh Yoko! (I’m sure he would have wanted this; it was almost the lead single from “Imagine”)

Woman Is the N*gger of the World (not a great song, but again – John would have wanted it back then)

Paul:

Maybe I’m Amazed

Every Night

Another Day

Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey

Back Seat of My Car (not a hit in America, and it struggled to #39 in the UK; but since Paul chose it as the lead single for his homeland, he probably would have wanted it included)

Love Is Strange (slated to be the single from “Wild Life,” this was canceled when that album underperformed)

Hi, Hi, Hi

C Moon (a so-so song that Paul likely would have requested)

Mary Had a Little Lamb (a so-so song that Paul likely would have requested)

Give Ireland Back to the Irish (a so-so song that Paul likely would have requested)

George:

All Things Must Pass

What Is Life?

My Sweet Lord

Apple Scruffs

Isn’t It A Pity

Bangladesh

Wah Wah (live)

NOTE: This was tough since George had only released the double-LP "All Things Must Pass" and one non-album 45 (Bangladesh/Deep Blue) through spring, 1973.  So his contribution almost looks like a condensation of that album.  The ATMP set included a third disk of jams (not useful here), while the live "Concert for Bangladesh" triple-LP only features George singing on eight of its tracks... and three of those are Beatles tunes (and would likely have been vetoed by the rest of the group).

Ringo (he had released about as much music as George by this point, but the highlights clearly presented themselves):

Sentimental Journey (a so-so song that Ringo likely would have requested; he chose it as the potential single from the LP of the same name, and even shot a promo video which looks like a parody by Monty Python)

Blue Turning Grey Over You (the best tune on the “Sentimental Journey” album)

Beaucoups of Blues (a so-so song that Ringo likely would have requested; he chose it as the single from the LP of the same name, but it only made it to #88)

$15 Draw (the best tune on the “Beaucoups” album)

It Don’t Come Easy

Early 1970

Back Off Boogaloo

Blindman (a so-so song that Ringo likely would have requested)

Sammy Davis Jr. and TV theme songs

In 1976, Sammy Davis Jr. released the LP "Song and Dance Man," featuring discofied takes on the themes from hit TV shows.  Here's a few from that album, and elsewhere....


Probably his best: The theme from Baretta, written by Dave Grusin.  This was a huge hit in Europe.  The show wasn't bad, either: it actually grew out of Tony Musante leaving "Toma" after one season.  When he signed-on, Musante told producers he only wanted to do one season, but they thought it was a bluff: "no actor would ever leave a show once it's a hit," they reasoned.  But Musante stuck to his guns, and Roy Huggins was left to quickly re-purpose that show's production team around a new actor.  The two possibilities -- James Garner and Robert Blake -- both ended up being viable, and we lucky audiences ended up with both "Baretta" and "The Rockford Files" (where Musante actually guest-starred in 1975).


Kojak (labeled on Sammy's LP as "We'll Make It This Time"; incidentally, Kojak star Telly Savalas also enjoyed singing):


The Jeffersons (which doesn't have the same soul of the original, sung by Ja'net Dubois aka Willona on "Good Times"; also, Davis actually appeared on The Jeffersons in 1984):


Here's Sammy's take on the theme from "Maude" (originally sung by Donny Hathaway).  And here's Family Guy's take, just for fun.



Chico and the Man (where he also appeared):


Hawaii Five-O (aka "You Can Count On Me); Morton Stevens released an LP of the show's theme music in 1969, from which CBS made their spell-binding "CBS Special" logo.


Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman (so bizarre); here's a parody for some reason, titled "Mary Hartski," with a much more pleasant (but brief) easy listening/disco version. The lead in the sketch looks like Rachel Dratch:

Roy Budd: Get Carter heavy drum mix

I had never heard this: a drum-heavy remix of Roy Budd's excellent theme to the excellent 1971 film, "Get Carter," starring Michael Caine.

The still above is from the film, where you'll see a copy of "Let It Bleed" peeking out.  This particular still is creepy since it looks like there's two, nude Caines. It's from this page, which has a number of film-stills-featuring-album-covers.

John Lennon, Jerry Lewis and the MDA Labor Day telethon

This is an amazing find!  The Jerry Lewis Labor Day MDA telethons have hosted hundreds of Lewis' Vegas pals over the years (Tony Orlando, Charo, etc.).  Google "Jerry Lewis" on Mark Evanier's or Ken Levine's blogs and you can read all about the schlock.

However, John Lennon appeared on the telethon in 1972 during the height of his activist days (backed up by wife Yoko Ono, plus the band Elephant's Memory... apparently for the last time).  This was the last in a series of charity concerts John did that year, and would be his last live performance until 1974 (he would appear with Elton John at Madison Square Garden that Thanksgiving, and then on a tribute to Sir Lew Grade in 1975).  Back to Labor Day, 1972, a snippet of this audio was released on the 1998 "Lennon Anthology" boxed set, consisting mostly of Jerry Lewis trying to coax John back for an encore.  I (and I think most people) assumed the whole performance was long-gone, but here it is WITH the video.  Amazing!

1

Mildly related, here's Ray Charles on the telethon in 1978-79; Lewis' intrusion is not pretty...




Moving further off-course, here's a commercial for the 1971 telethon (teasing guests including Johnny Carson and Cleavon Little, then on Broadway but later well-known for "Blazing Saddles").


And going ahead 20 years, Maury Povich and "A Current Affair" put together a long piece on the behind-the-scenes prep for the telethon.  It's classic smarmy Jerry!


Now, a cute 1981 commercial for the telethon with Jerry, Ed McMahon and Norm Crosby:



And almost last, but not least: Martin Short as Jerry Lewis, Live on the Champs Elysees, as seen on SCTV.

Here's Short as Lewis as Bob Dylan on SCTV.

Now, Short as Lewis in "Tender Fella" (a mashup of "Cinderfella" and the Robert Duvall film, "Tender Mercies"). This is from a 1987 Showtime special.

Family Guy vs. Monty Python, Little House on the Prairie, Incredible Hulk

Most kids today will know nothing of "Little House on the Prairie" or "The Incredible Hulk," which isn't the worst thing.  But "Monty Python" is a classic, and "King of the Hill" wasn't bad.  "Modern Family" is also a show.  Here's their opening sequences, as done up by "Family Guy."



And as a bonus, here's the close of "Little House On the Prairie" on "Family Guy":