Why Guitar Center Sucks

I have decided to forego my review of “Rock Center” after Brian Williams backed out of helping me install my air conditioner. So today, it’s on to some personal business relating to my good friend.

Let’s call her… Pauline. That’s what the homeless wino who sits outside the music store calls her. Kidding- he WORKS at the store.

And so does Pauline. The wino (David) is a first-class ass. He teaches guitar. Pauline mans (womans?) the front desk. Pauline was smitten by David when he started working there. But then, Pauline and I were going to do a quick recording in one of the practice rooms, and David was like, “include me… I want to help… what are you guys doing… let me play mandolin.”

And I’m thinking, “go away! This requires talent!”
I didn’t actually SAY that; I just thought it and then, later, yelled it at him.

Fast forward a few days… Pauline is not-so-innocently text-flirting with him like a 9^th-grade schoolgirl… who has been held back 17 times. He lets it slip that he’s married, and then immediately adds, “but my wife and I have an understanding.”

STOP –morality time.

First of all, Utah is lovely this time of year.

Second, what a scumbag.

Third, he has children.

Fourth, does he think Pauline is so desperate that she’ll jump on this opportunity to wreck a family and make things awkward at work?

Fifth, what a scumbag.

So she said, “oh, never mind” and ended it.

And since then, she has been able to poison the entire staff against him. Subtly. For example, one of the drum instructors asked Pauline to add together his Monday and Tuesday checks, and she said, “oh, just like David wants to add me to his collection of whores?!?!!” Then she threw a handful of bassoon reeds at him and screamed, “Vive La Difference!” It took 3 paramedics just to remove the splinters.

(By the way, big sale on bassoon reeds this week).

So today, he sends a text to the boss saying he’s quitting, he can’t take the atmosphere, everyone is annoying and he just wants to stay home and play guitar. Basically the same thing George W. Bush said on his second day in office.

Right now, Pauline and our acid-tongued Swedish friend, Lena Jr. (don't ask) are drunk-texting insults to David while he laments his poor choices in life. Everyone feels a little better about themselves.

Nothing this exciting would ever happen at Guitar Center.